i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this just has baby written all over it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
