you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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