i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
