so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
