i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
