I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
