I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
