I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
