What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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