You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
