dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
