I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
