No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
