My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
