i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
