All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
