I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
