Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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