Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Four minutes until I can fart!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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