I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize