I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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