The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Found the puke drawer
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
