smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
