his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
