So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
