did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
