yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
