Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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