i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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