Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
