Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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