Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
