I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
