The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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