thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Are we still banned from the library?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
