I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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