I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
