Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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