This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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