Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
