I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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