Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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