It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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