I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
