I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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