half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
