evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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