Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
