New low: just hacked my moms facebook
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
