you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
