the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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