Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
