Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
