i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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