and you said cock pushups were impossible
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize