i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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