I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
