Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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