And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
