Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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