just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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