im having a threesome with these popsicles
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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