Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
