Where is the hickey?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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