not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
