He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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