I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
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