OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
