I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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