It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
