it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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