She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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