Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
